When we think of spirituality, odds are we think of that realm of existence that is very ethereal, divine, and connected to God. If we’re a bit more pervasive with our spirituality, perhaps we consider all of life as the practice, and recognize each interaction and every encounter as an exploration of God. Or perhaps we think of symbols, signs, messages, and synchronicities: the magic. Or perhaps it’s that sense of being embraced, in peace, and guided by a kind and benevolent force.
Whatever is inspired through your being when you consider what spirituality is to you, and however you practice and explore your spirituality, there is one thing that deepens our perception of our connection for all of us: listening. When we listen to another person speak, we can hear the pure heart beneath the words. When we listen to our own feelings and intuition, we hear the guidance of our soul. When we listen to life, we perceive the synchronicities and the messages. When we listen to challenging interactions, we discover endless opportunities for compassion and we discover where we can grow. And on and on it goes.
The thing is, very few of us truly listen. We hear, sure. We listen to the words—okay. But few, very few of us actually collect all of our attention to exactly what is before us to listen like an empty cup, willing to be filled by what we perceive. Very few of us draw our attention away from the rapidly forming responses in our head. Very few of us choose to anchor our presence with the totality of our will power away from emotional reactivity and into purely hearing what is truly being expressed.
So to get to the heart of the matter and into true listening, I’ve developed these three stages of relational listening. In this context, “relational listening” simply means that two seemingly separate pieces are involved: you plus anything else. It could be you listening to nature, a lecture, or another person. As we travel deeply through the levels of listening and arrive at true listening, we come to the place where every interaction is play with God. When we listen at the third level, we are grounding ourselves within life as the spiritual practice. The best way to move through the levels is to simply slow down.
Level One: Listening/Projection Loop
Tone: Unconscious
Breath: None/Shallow
This is the level where most of humanity listens. At this level, you are listening, but unconsciously. That means that you seem to be listening: you are taking in the words that the other is saying, but immediately your mind warps them into what those words mean to you, and not what they truly mean. That is called projection. At this level, the projection is interacted with rather than the true meaning of the words. At this level, you do not know that the projection is happening, and so you believe your perception to be reality. What you hear and what things mean to you is what you are, not what they are. At this level, it is considered listening because you are willing to “take in” what the other is saying, but only to the extent that you can subconsciously manipulate it as a mechanism to experience your ego self, aka “who you believe yourself to be/your identity.” You must wake up from this dream to finally hear what is truly going on around you.
Level Two: Hearing
Tone: Conscious/Ambivalent-Constricted
Breath: Shallow
At this level, you are aware of how projections function within communication, and there is fear around how you may feel from different interactions with people. There is a certain amount of constriction and ambivalence that comes and goes. At this level, when others speak, you listen strictly to the words they are saying, and not what is underneath the words. For example, if someone says “I hate you!” you hear hatred, take that statement at face value–and that interpretation is what you either respond or react to. Listening at this level is a form of protection. This is a mixture of the two levels before and after – you are the precipice of level three but you hestitate for subconscious reasons.avoiding bad energy
Level Three: True Listening (open)
Tone: Total/Open
Breath: Deep
At this level, you listen totally and completely with all of your being, and with no spiritual boundaries between you and the other. In other words, you empty yourself of all ideas, judgments, and preconceived perceptions and listen totally and purely in the present moment with all of your senses. By virtue of opening up in this way, you effortlessly listen beyond the words. You are not afraid of being hurt by what the other is saying, and so you are able to remain open through the various emotions and words that may be expressed. At this level, you know it is possible to be affected by interactions, and so you stay sharply attuned to your own state of openness so that you can notice if you begin to shut down. Therefore, when you notice you are closing, you breathe deeply to open more. At this level, if someone were to say “I hate you!” although you may not greet it with a smile, you would hear the pain within those words—and that is what you would respond to. At this level, defense mechanisms are dissolved and you are more apt to respond from love. This is the level of poetry and art. Spiritual multitasking, doesn’t meant you ignore your boundaries discernment deeper interactions, tantric, true listening includes honesty, perpetuates unterrupted flow of connection, portal to presence , true listening is passive… sometimes you hear your discomfort louder than the other person
You can practice listening by going to nature and listening. How you listen to nature is how you can listen to others. There is no defensiveness and no fear there. Also by listening to music. Obviously there is nothing threatening about music or nature, which is why it is great practice; from there, we can develop a deeper sense of listening, and carry that into our interactions. You don’t interrupt music to tell it hwo its making you feel, do you? You just take it in. Start listening to people like they’re music or nature, because they’re both, and you will win the big win—the only win there is—love—for that.