I was giving a session to one of my regular clients the other day for whom relationship difficulties is a theme we come back to again and again. No surprise, really, as dealing with “The Other” is one of the most ultimate calls to growth we all have. As much love and beauty as there can be in relationships - as beautiful of a mirror as we can be to each other - our partners also tend to be what I call “The Unfortunate Mirror.”
We’re not necessarily meant to cross a river where, on the other side, we never have to deal with misunderstandings, the challenges of communication, and our own - and others - reactivity - ever, ever again. It is clear that we learn so much through the mirroring and testing that goes on in our relationships. Especially when we deal with it all with love and tenderness — and come back to that love and tenderness as soon as we can in moments when we react — then we are engaging with the growth process of relationship in the best way we can.
Having said all of that, something very interesting came up in my session with this particular client that I feel would be of tremendous value to all of us to consider.
If you are familiar with my work, then you may know I’m fascinated by the subconscious and by our innate ability to connect with God-source and shift misunderstandings we may find - in particular those that are in the subconscious. A very common misunderstanding that resonates in the subconscious of many is this:
Peace is death.
Because yes, peace is death. But peace does not result in death. Yes, it does feel true that death brings us to peace. But to live our lives in peace is not the end of life. Far from it. To live our lives in peace, in a way, is the beginning of a new life that rebirths after the life of drama.
These subtleties, discernments, and nuances of understanding have a profound effect in our subconscious when they come into more accurate, correct alignment with truth/with God’s direction.
Especially when we are teenagers, we often fear simplicity and peace because it seems boring. Instead, we crave stimulation, excitement, and thrills, especially at that age when our sexuality begins to burgeon.
The thing is, if we do not catch this misunderstanding as we age, it can permeate our psyche and our subconscious and lead us into behavior and situations that we reinforce as exciting, thrilling - even if they hurt - and those are often dramatic, reactive experiences.
We must call ourselves into maturity and consider that rather than putting water on an honest, wonderful fire, peace is actually the backdrop that allows us to experience life to it’s full extent, it’s full potential, it’s maximum. Peace puts out the fires that hurt us and instead, makes it possible for us to know the true fire of life.
The drama, reactivity, thrills, and the intensity they create are a cheap version of what we may come to experience if we dare to become fully responsible for our lives and begin to chisel away at our attachment to drama, pain, adrenaline, and so on.
As we - my client, the mysterious energy of Creator, and I - prayed to shift this misunderstanding - that to be in peace within the relationship would be a thrill killer, would be boring… it became clear that a much deeper, more fulfilling connection would blossom with her husband via connecting in peace, through choosing peaceful ways to deal with things, and to come back to peace quickly after difficult moments. It became clear that yes, there had been a reinforcement over connecting through Door A of Reactivity and Strife, a familiar, guaranteed knowing that after the difficulty, they would feel connection again. It became clear that yes, peace did seem boring, until now. And it also became clear that there is another way - many ways, in fact - and that to choose a more wonderful way of love, tenderness, simplicity and truth is possible, takes devotion, and is a choice.
And this is true for all of us too.
With love x Sky