Why the Three Levels of Listening?

Listening is at the heart of a nourishing, devoted, thriving relationship with Life, our Selves, and each other/our partners. By taking a good look at the way we listen, we can shine the light on the path forward into deepened listening and therefore, deepened intimacy and an activated, rich, evolving life.

Level One is called the Projection Loop. Level Two is called Hearing. Level Three is True Listening.

The levels of listening outlined here describe the three main realms humans listen within. We have all had experiences listening at all the levels. Most of us slide between two levels. Whatever level you mainly listen at, remember it is still likely you may listen from a different level sometimes. Whichever level is your default, just remember to keep reorienting back into/doing the work of True Listening, specifically whenever you catch yourself in a Projection Loop or on the level of Hearing (explained below).

Further, these levels indicate our general life orientation. At level one (Projection Loop), we are completely egocentric and perceive the world from the lens of the isolated, egoic self and the conditioned personality. At level two (Hearing), we have had the experience of knowing ourselves as something beyond the egoic self, but are still navigating through safety issues and fear of the Unknown–thus we still tend to react when our subconscious sense of safety feels threatened. At this level, we tend to be either completely in ourselves or completely focused on another person, rather than in the Middle, which is the place of True Listening. At the third level of True Listening, we are no longer identified with ourselves nor dependent on Others/Life to feel a certain way, and so we can contain both what is true for us/our perspective and what is true for the other/the other’s perspective without conflict–from a place in the Middle. This is the place of the deepest intimacy, transformation, and constant nourishing growth.

Again–why? Because if we are going to be alive, we might as well get the most out of it. We might as well be fully here. And the path of True Listening–to ourselves, to Life, and to each other–is a delicious path of profound intimacy, born of presence and devotion, that takes us deep into the possibilities in this life.

When we truly listen, we may accurately perceive, and accurately perceive the invitations, the inspiration, and the guidance of Life… all of which is alchemized by our listening to our Selves and Each Other. And so it is!

Orientation: isolated/egoic Self

Tone: Unconscious

Breath: None/Shallow

Perpetuates: Codependence, defensiveness, conflict, victimhood, depression, anxiety, dissatisfaction, fear, egoic stronghold, stories repeating themselves, enmeshment/unattachment, violence, constriction, illness

Intimacy: None. There is no linkage here [link to video about linkage]. The person is experiencing only his/herself/itself.

This is the level of egocentricity. That's okay! Learning is the portal to growth–and this is the level we all begin at. This is the DEAFNESS level, and you need to consciously choose to grow in order to break the convincing spell of deafness.

This is the level where most of humanity listens. At this level, you are listening, but unconsciously. That means that you seem to be listening: you are taking in the words that the other is saying, but immediately your mind warps them into what those words mean to you, and not what they truly mean. That is called projection. 

At this level, you interact with the projection rather than the true meaning of what is being communicated. At this level, you do not know that the projection is happening, and so you believe your perception to be reality. 

But what you hear and what things mean to you is what you are, not what they are. At this level, it is considered listening because you are willing to “take in” what the other is saying, but only to the extent that you can subconsciously manipulate it as a mechanism to experience your egoic self, aka “who you believe yourself to be/your identity.” 

Message: It is time to wake up from the dream of the personality. It is time to feel, see, and listen to what is truly going on around you–not as you see it, but as it is. As the saying goes “If not us, then who? If not now, then when?” Your presence is deeply needed on this Earth–you are a part of the consummate awakening and healing. This path is not only rewarding for yourself in terms of intimacy and joy, but also to the entire world as it relates to the Earth healing and our interrelatedness. Now, go! And do what you must!

Solution/The Path to True Listening + Intimacy: Learn about ego and mind–self educate; therapy; discover what you identify with and begin the work of de-conditioning; address past traumas and childhood dynamics and wounds; breath-work; discover a willingness to know yourself as something beyond your identity and personality; meditation; discover a willingness to move into the Unknown; choose to be motivated by love and not fear; choose healing and growth; choose to be responsible for your Life and that which you experience. Most important: Commit to a daily practice (of meditation, yoga, dance–whatever your meditation is) as a container for your continued awakening and anchoring/embodying the Presence that you are.

Orientation: Me + You–two separate personas. Isolated self/Other + glimpses of something “beyond”

Tone: Conscious/Ambivalent-Constricted

Breath: Shallow

Perpetuates: Avoidance, shame, guilt, growth, mind, threatened, invested in perspective, not safe, avoids "bad"/"negative" energy, conversational highjacking, fear of your power, wants to grow but afraid of what comes next/what will happen, fear of the Unknown

Intimacy: Off/on. Interrupted linkage. Push and pull. Move between being safe/feeling threatened.

At this level, you move between being egocentric and being focused on the Other. This is the THRESHOLD level, as you find yourself again and again at the threshold of true listening, of taking the jump into the Unknown.

At this level, sometimes you are willing+able to take in the entire message/communication of the moment, and sometimes you are not. In other words, in the moment of listening, you may edge towards the level below and above but without breaking through, thereby staying in the vacuum of level 2. This is the moment/level of listening where we are being called to take a jump into the Unknown–to drop all defenses in the name of Love–to dare to be this naked and see what might happen. The message is starting to deeply enter, and you are subconsciously deciding between fear and love. You have moved beyond being entirely under the spell of the mind and the ego, and yet sometimes they still have a strong influence over you. Understanding this can empower you to move beyond this level and into the level of Truly Listening–[video link with guidance].

At this level, you are aware of how projections function. Simultaneously, there is fear around how you may feel from different interactions with people and partners.

There is a certain amount of constriction and ambivalence that comes and goes. At this level, when others speak, you listen strictly to the words they are saying, and not what is underneath the words. For example, if someone says “I hate you!” you hear hatred, take that statement at face value–and that interpretation is what you either respond or react to.

At this level, a person often has an off/on switch. Enmeshed/unattached. Sometimes linked, sometimes too enmeshed, sometimes off/shutdown. Need to establish safety inside and out.

Listening at this level is a form of protection. This is a mixture of the two levels that come before and after it–(before it is Level 1: Projection Loop, after it is Level 3: True Listening). You are the precipice of True Listening, but you hesitate as a result of subconscious beliefs and fears.

Message: It is time to take the dive into the Unknown–the unknown of being undefended. It is a terrifying thing to drop all defenses and sit in tenderness and compassion. A big dare to not self-protect. It is time for you to deeply anchor within your true Self, your invincible Light, your power to self-resource and honor your boundaries, and to listen from this space. From the center of the circle, standing strong, dignified, vulnerable, undefended.

Solution/The Path to True Listening + Intimacy: It is a good time to start practicing gentle heart opening relational exercises; generating safety; family constellation therapy; breath-work; track your judgments of others as a tool for self-knowledge and choosing to open instead of wall yourself off with these judgments; speaking your true voice; singing; dancing/moving your body; practicing boundaries; relational tantra (connecting/communication) work; NVC; learning to fully listen; empowering healing therapies and rituals. Most important: Commit to a daily practice (of meditation, yoga, dance–whatever your meditation is) as a container for your continued awakening and anchoring/embodying the Presence that you are.

Orientation: All–interrelatedness, no self/True Self

Tone: Total/Open

Breath: Deep

Intimacy: Linkage–unbroken/immediately remedied.

This is the UNBROKEN SKY level. At this level, you are in the Middle and able to receive both your Self and the Other simultaneously, with distinction and awareness. You are able to perceive simple reality in the world around you and be transformed by mundane and challenging moments alike.

At this level, you listen totally and completely with all of your being, and with no spiritual boundaries between you and the other. In other words, you empty yourself of all ideas, judgments, and preconceived notions and perceptions and listen totally and purely in the present moment with all of your senses. It's not that judgments and thoughts won't come, it's that you catch them and are influenced by them.

By virtue of opening up in this way, you effortlessly listen beyond the words. You are not afraid of being hurt by what the other is saying, and so you are able to remain open through the various emotions and words that may be expressed. If you become hurt, that is okay for you because you understand it is part of being alive and touched and you will learn something, and perhaps heal something, and be intimate. Whether hurt or not, the chance for joyful connecting is made possible by this listening, and you are all in.

At this level, you know it is possible to be affected by interactions, and so you stay sharply attuned to your own state of openness so that you can notice if you begin to shut down. Therefore, when you notice you are closing, you breathe deeply to open more. Or, if it is getting near your threshold of being able to contain yourself in a healthy way, you let the other person know you are no longer able to listen in full presence as something is stirring too much inside, you tend to yourself, and you return to the conversation as soon as you can.

At this level, if someone were to say “I hate you!” although you may not greet it with a smile, you would hear the pain within those words—and that is what you would respond to. You’re able to state your boundaries without resentment and without perpetuating negativity and disconnection projected from the Other. When the other says something like “I hate you,” you state your boundary and compassion. “I hear you’re hurt, that something is bothering you. When you’re able to share that with me in a vulnerable way, when the trigger is not as activated as it is right now, I will be here to listen with an open heart.”

At this level, defense mechanisms are dissolved and you are more apt to respond from love. This is the level of channeled poetry and art. Spiritual multitasking, doesn’t meant you ignore your boundaries discernment deeper interactions, tantric, true listening includes honesty, perpetuates uninterrupted flow of connection, portal to presence , true listening is passive… sometimes you hear your discomfort louder than the other person

Message: Always remember, your life is not your own. This humbleness and emptiness will continue to take you into profound lessons, growth, remembrance, initiations, and intimacy. When in doubt, empty yourself of your self. When sure, empty your self again. You are embodying and modeling the healing the world needs. Thank you.

Practices: Meditation; nature walks; rituals; celebrating/being with the mundane; surrendering to the endless initiations and cauldrons of life; remain in the Middle